Six Tips to Dating After Divorce

Be safe about dating. Most likely, you haven’t been in the dating world for quite some time, and many things have changed, including the ability to meet other singles over the Internet. If you’re like some divorced singles, you may have never really dated before or it’s been so long that you’re scared to begin dating again. Not only is dating a normal part of life, it’s a necessary part, too. You probably have many different feelings about dating post-divorce. Life after divorce for divorced singles can be fun, intimidating, exciting and emotionally turbulent — all at the same time.

Six Tips to Dating After Divorce

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1. Do not start dating until after you’re divorced. Post-separation dating is never a good idea and can work against you, especially if you have kids. Don’t risk angering your spouse, alienating your friends and children and risk reducing your divorce property distribution and visitation rights by dating before you obtain your final divorce decree.

Another reason to begin dating AFTER your divorce is that you’re probably not emotionally ready to begin dating, even if you were the one who initiated the divorce (a.k.a., “the leaver”). It’s not fair to yourself, your spouse, your children and your new partner to begin dating if you’re not emotionally ready and before you obtain your divorce decree.

In Virginia, most often, you need to live separate and apart for at least six months (no children) to one-year (children) before filing for divorce. The mandatory separation period not only makes legal sense but emotional sense, since most experts recommend waiting at least one-year to begin dating, and the year period begins after divorce.

2. Keep your children separate from your dating life. This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s a rule that many single parents don’t follow, especially, those who rush into dating or those with limited means and can’t find babysitters and primary custodians. Typically, you should only introduce your new partner to your children if you’re fairly certain the relationship is serious, you’ve had several dates and have discussed the future, and you do so in an age-appropriate manner.

3. Similar to Tip Number 2, above, is this one: Schedule your dating around your custodial and visitation schedule. Go on dates while your former spouse is exercising his/her visitation time with your child(ren).

4. Be safe! Don’t give your address out to people you haven’t met. If this is a blind date, meet at a popular restaurant or other well-traveled venue. Resist your carnal urges and avoid the temptation to sleeping with your date early on. It’s always better to establish trust, get to know one another and do it when you’re ready. Maybe not drinking too much is key.

5. Avoid pissing your former spouse off. If you flaunt your new single status around, you may find yourself in court again for post-decree divorce litigation; doing it before divorce is a surefire way of pissing off your spouse (and maybe, the courts). Exercising sound discretion, humility and compassion is key.

6. Think twice before changing your status on Facebook, Twitter or other social media sites. Do you really want judges, lawyers, your spouse or former spouse and your new friends to have access to your private dating life?

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